Letters to Lena – 19 months old

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Hey Lena Beana,

You are 19 months old today. Its gone so fast. I’ve been looking through photos of you as a newborn and can’t quite believe how quickly its gone. I miss that newborn squish that you were. That stage is over so fast. This stage is pretty cool though.

Anyone who spends any amount of time with you always laughs when they talk about you because you are such a character. My work colleagues are appalled that I describe you as feral and tell them how much you remind me of a Staffordshire bull terrier. You lead with your head, barely acknowledge pain and beg for food from everyone.

You are a slight little thing, only on the 19th centile but you are entirely unaware of this and think you are a big kid. You are certainly not yet intimidated by anyone bigger than you or any kind of crowds. You also might be skinny but you have the thighs and arse that a Kardashian would be proud of.

You are a bit of a bully at the moment. You hit me, Arlo and your dada on a daily basis and we aren’t quite sure how to get you to stop. You can be an angry wee thing which your dad swears you get from me (he might be right on that unfortunately). You boil up to aggression very quickly, in a way your calm big brother never has, and I recognise myself in that.

You love to sing and dance. You are currently very into watching Frozen, Tangled and Shrek – if you are having a meltdown we can stick those on and it snaps you right back out of it. You love the ‘dulock is’ song from Shrek. You have some awesome dance moves and are in your element if you can dance naked. The other day, I filmed you dancing naked whilst simultaneously eating a slice of Dominoes pizza. Your big bum was swinging and your pot belly sticking out, not caring how you looked, just loving life and living in the moment. As an adult you will look back on this wondering how you can reach this pinnacle of care-free living again.

Teething really bothers you and you are struggling at the moment with a fever and feeling sorry for yourself but after this bout we should get a reprieve until your final 4 back molars emerge.

You are getting better with words every day and are now interspersing English with your Russian sounding ramblings (which pretty much always sound like ‘NO, mama, nastrovier, NO’ while you point aggressively in my face).

You are very stern and both your dad and I are a bit afraid of you. You remind us of the Gremlins a lot. Oscillating between little cute Gizmo and one of the ones that got into water or ate after midnight.

Your favourite things to say at the moment are no, mama, stop, stuck, what’s that, want that (usually in reference to the other boob). You are still a little boob monster and ‘drive-by’ nurse all day on and off. You come over to me and sit in my lap and then clap to signal that you want to nurse. Sometimes I feel like I’m being clapped at all day, like dance monkey, dance but you get a lot of enjoyment out of it so I don’t mind. When you pull my boob out my bra your little face lights up like Christmas morning so I don’t think we will be stopping anytime soon!

This past fortnight we have had a huge breakthrough with your bedtime that your dad and I are really chuffed about. Since birth, you have slept on your dad or I (mainly your dad), in the carrier or his arms from 7/8 to midnight every single night. Your dad and I have had zero alone time for a year and a half because of this. The past week you have started going to sleep in my bed. You nurse a bit and then settle yourself to sleep. It took your brother until he was 3 years old to do this without being rocked so we are really happy about that. Long may it last! Now I get to talk to your dad without whispering and we get to watch a show together and really relax. Then I come back up to you an hour or so later and we ‘breastsleep’ for the rest of the night. You wake and nurse multiple times a night but I have realistic expectations about biologically normal childhood sleep patterns (something I was lacking with your big bro) so I’m happy to wait that out with you and just do whatever it takes to survive through it.

You are pretty settled in nursery now and seem to enjoy going. You don’t cry at drop off or anything and you do take naps there despite my initial worries. You’ve also adjusted well to your big brother starting primary school. Maybe a little too well given how much you’ve started to fight with him once he gets home. I think you’ve been enjoying your first taste of being the only kid around and you like it a lot!

You like to help me tidy up and copy what I do and you play independently more than your brother ever did. Your favourite toys are trains, blocks and you love to play with clips and fastenings. You will play with this buckle toy turtle for ages, making us unclip it all over and over so you can clip it all back together again.

Daddy says you have ‘hamster hair’ because it’s a little ginger and all over the shop but it is finally coming through. It cracks me up when it blows in the wind like an old mam’s toupée. You will not tolerate headbands which is a shame because you look so cute with them on.

I always wanted a little girl and you are the perfect one for me. I love watching you grow and our bond is so strong. I know we are always going to be the best of friends. The world is your oyster my little firecracker. I can’t wait to watch you set it on fire.

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